The day we heard the words no cancer patient wants to hear changed everything. “We are sorry to tell you that the results of your PET scans are in, and the results are not good. Your cancer is back, and there is no cure.” In that moment, our world shifted. But it was also the moment we discovered palliative care, a gift that would transform our remaining time together.
Dr. Ira Byock, the leading authority on palliative care, didn’t send us home to go into hospice, which at that time would have stopped all medical treatments for comfort care. Instead, he immediately asked my husband Werner what his goals were. This question, simple yet profound, reframed everything.
Palliative care is not about giving up. It’s about living fully, even when terminal cancer is the reality. The comprehensive treatments and methods focus on your challenges, needs, and quality of life to accomplish your goals. For Werner and me, palliative care gave us the gift of time, pain and symptom management, palliative chemotherapy to keep cancer at bay, and all the support we needed to help him accomplish his spoken goals.
Was it easy? Not always. Joy collided with agony. But our time together was priceless. We welcomed visitors, told stories, had a picnic, laughed, and sang. Even in his final week, Werner lifted his two oxygen masks and did a short yodel, a moment of joy amidst the struggle.
The palliative care team became our partners in this journey. They understood that quality of life meant different things at different times. Sometimes it meant managing pain so Werner could rest. Other times it meant adjusting treatments so he could have visitors or enjoy a meal. Always, it meant honoring his goals and supporting his dignity.
I encourage anyone facing terminal cancer or life-threatening diseases to seek a palliative care team. Husbands or spouses journeying, caring, and supporting their spouse with cancer would also find help to understand and support for coping, as cancer and life-threatening diseases affect both patient and spouse. It is not a cure, but it is a way to live fully in the time you have.
Our last week together was not a death vigil, but a celebration of Werner’s life and the love that surrounded him. His doctors, who arrived and crowded around the door, were a testament to the inspirational relationship between Werner and his medical team. Palliative care made that possible.
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