when your spouse has cancer
The shock of the initial
cancer diagnosis might send the cancer patient and the spouse
into separate silent corners. the illness, possible incapacity and
the threat of death not even digested when you return home
and sit face to face with cancer the unwelcomed new resident
in your lives.
I realized this all to0 well.
we sat at the kitchen table . the telephone rang, and i answered the
question asked of me. “Yes, the diagnosis is cancer.”
When I hung up the telephone, my husband said, “Why did you tell her
i have cancer?” stunned, i blurted, do you expect me to pretend this
has not happened and keep silent?” to which he replied, i can handle
this by myself. no one needs to know.”
My response. “What are you going to tell people when you lose your
hair?” denial was in full view, a safe place he had retreated in light
of the devastation on his life. while i in my own need had not at the
moment understood. but what we did later after giving each other
space, we talked. continued silence held every potential to put a
wedge between us. instead we mapped out a plan taking into
consideration our different personalities, what we each do best.
no cloning. Cancer comes with its own set of rules., among them
fear, confusion, and an emotional roller coaster for the
supporting spouse.
What did we do to begin this journey?